Some parents have suffered their children to form wrong habits, the marks of which may be seen all through life. Upon the parents lies this sin. These children may profess to be Christians; yet without a special work of grace upon the heart and a thorough reform in life, their past habits will be seen in all their experience, and they will exhibit just the character which their parents allowed them to form.

The young should not be suffered to learn good and evil indiscriminately, with the idea that at some future time the good will predominate and the evil lose its influence. The evil will increase faster than the good. It is possible that after many years the evil they have learned may be eradicated; but who will venture this? Time is short. It is easier and much safer to sow clean, good seed in the hearts of your children than to pluck up the weeds afterward. Impressions made upon the minds of the young are hard to efface. How important, then, that these impressions be of the right sort, that the elastic faculties of youth be bent in the right direction.

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Tonido

Domains of Life: Spiritual – Psychological – Mental – Body – Social
And where is your centre?

How does one build resilience and maintain good health? We all have 24 hours each day. We should aim to reduce the soul-destroying (frustrating, boring) activities and events of the day. And aim instead to maximise the healthy outcome of those 24 hours. Develop good health habits:

• rest well
• get sunlight, avoid artificial light (including TV and computer)
• eat and drink for health
• be physically active
• deliberately think realistically, concretely and positively
• be connected – socially and spiritually*
• practice relaxation, avoid unnecessary stimulation (e.g. movies, internet, loud music)
• place yourself in positive situations, create an uplifting environment (e.g. relaxing music, aromatherapy)
• watch, listen to and read good things; have things to laugh about
• focus on speaking on good things
• be outwardly focused and service oriented
• avoid substances that might impair
• dream about the future, reflect on the past in a positive light (celebrate/give thanks)
• have things to look forward to

* [God]-[Me]-[Others] triangle. Are you drifting without an anchor? Or are you well connected to God (spiritual), others (social) and are you connecting others to God (service).

The pyramid – God at the apex, Personal health/growth/development, Family/Friends, Work/Education/Finance, Service/Community

Then when you’ve regained some of your strength, work on the stress in your life:

• troubleshoot your interpersonal relationships (which may involve setting boundaries, or cutting off toxic people)
• simplify your work (which may involve leaving your current job)
• problem solve the pressures in your life
• re-centre the mind on your values and priorities:
  • “de-compare” – stop looking at others and evaluating your life using the value systems of others
  • redefine the purpose and meaning of your life – e.g. raising your children is your priority and is a worthy pursuit and you have an irreplaceable role in their lives; your “dead end” job is a period of learning new professional skills and overall character development so that you can face the task ahead of you
• work on realistic thinking:
• challenge unhealthy thoughts (about the past, the present circumstances and the future)
  • think honestly
  • think realistically
  • think concretely
  • think objectively
  • think “by faith and not by sight”
• accept your limitations
  • your imperfection
  • the imperfection of others
  • the world is and never will be as it should be
  • most things in life will always be out of your control – do you do things expecting, or hoping for, a specific outcome? That will only lead to disappointment. Things are not going to and don’t have to work out a certain way.
• set goals: commit to change what you can – one baby step at a time

Thoughts on happiness itself:

• Do not sacrifice happiness for success
• Happiness/Suffering (Attitudinal), Success/Failure (Subjective), and Objective Reality are on 3 different parallel planes. They never intersect and are not determined by one another.
• Success does not buy happiness, because the goal posts of what defines “good enough” and “I’ve made it” are constantly shifted
• Similarly, suffering with negative feelings is not the inevitable consequence of “failure” or bad circumstances
• Our subjective appraisal of the objective reality depends a lot on what our expectations are. One person might consider a B grade a success, another might feel it is below their usual standards. A man might be yelled at by different people, but it hurts most when his wife is upset with him because he expects love and understanding from her.
• If anything, happiness is a necessary substrate to live a productive life. Fulfilment comes before Success.

Resources – some ideas derived from:
Dr John Warlow – Wholly Coping

http://www.christianwholeness.com

C. onnect
U. nderstand
R. espond
E. ngage

4 selfs:
Self-esteem
Self-identity
Self-control
Self-centeredness – the only self that needs to die

Square (where are you heading?) – above/below the water level; self/God-centred

Darren Morton – Seven Secrets for Feeling Fantastic

http://www.sevensecretsforfeelingfantastic.com/

1. Decisions
We are bombarded by many decisions.  At a young age.  There is a pressure to make the right decisions and a fear of making mistakes. What results is a fatigue and helplessness as we try to control the uncontrollable (life). We feel that we have somehow failed if we do not have all that we had planned or hoped.

2. Individualism
Loss of community and family.  Self-driven life, rather than one in which you have companions on the journey.

3. Self-indulgence
Whatever “feels good”.  “Follow your heart.”  Resultant emptiness, dissatisfaction. We think that indulging our desires will somehow satisfy.

C.S. Lewis: “If I find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world.”

4. “One more”
Achieved something and found it empty.  Reach for the next thing that will “make me happy”.  Had delayed gratification for future happiness, but it wasn’t worth it in the end.

5. Self-esteem
Need to feel good about ourselves.  Cognitive dissonance when we discover that we are not the best, can’t do everything and can’t have it all.  The only options are depression or denial.

6. Happiness idol
Happiness becomes the purpose of life.  Avoid suffering at all costs.  If suffering exists, something must be wrong.  If there are hardships in a relationship – end it.  If there are unpleasant emotions – medicate it.  Unable to handle disappointment.  But suffering is a part of life.

7. Entertainment and Boredom
Inability to tolerate peace.  To meditate (on God, Phil 4:8).  We must fill life with “stuff”.  We never take time to relax and enjoy.

Blaise Pascal: “The sole cause of man’s unhappiness is that he does not know how to stay quietly in his room.”

We are creatures of CHOICE. We are the result of the decisions we make.
3. What are your PRIORITIES (or values)?
4. What are your BOUNDARIES?

The difference between what goes IN and what comes OUT is who we are. Like photographic film you become what you are EXPOSED to and IMMERSED in.
RE: FAT MESS
5. Where do you DWELL?
Rest & Reflect (Do you sleep well? Do you meditate? Do you relax?)
Environment (Where do you spend your time? Who do you surround yourself with? What situations do you allow yourself to get into?)
6. What do you PUT IN?
Food & Drink
Activity (Physical Exercise)
Thoughts
Media (Eyes and Ears – What are you watching, reading, listening to?)
7. What do you PUT OUT?
Emotions (Feelings)
Speech (How do you communicate?)
Service (Do you live for and love others or yourself?)

Dr Darren Morton’s SMILERS: Speak right, Move right, Immerse in the right environment, Look at the right things, Eat right, Rest right and Serve right.
(Seven Secrets for Feeling Fantastic)